Humanizing
by tysunkete
Summary: Oneshot. "Don't you get it, Yuu?" Lavi laughed weakly. "I don't qualify anymore." His voice was hoarse. "Love is the most biased feeling of all." LaviYuu.


"BAKA USAGI! STOP RUNNING DAMMIT!"

It was storming. The rain pelted hard onto the road, cars honking their horns in impatience at the traffic that was held up. The sidewalks were mainly bare as most dashed into the nearest shelter they could find. The downpour was so great that an umbrella was useless.

But Kanda wasn't even thinking of an umbrella when he ran out of the Black Order to go after the redhead. He didn't even know why he was doing such. After all, his life was his to choose, wasn't it? Thank god his exorcist uniform was waterproof.

"USAGI! FUCK!" He swore, his wet bangs sticking to his face as he tried to make out the blurry image of red and black that kept getting smaller in front of him. Since when did Lavi run that fast?

But Kanda was fast too. He had left Mugen back at the castle in his haste, and if any Akuma wanted to attack him now, it was the best timing ever. He pushed those thoughts away, however, when he saw Lavi round into an alleyway thinking that he could lose his track, Kanda's lips turned into a slight smirk in victory.

It was a dead end.

* * *

"SHIT!" Lavi skidded to a halt.

In front of him was a brick wall. A really tall brick wall. But maybe he could extend his hammer... Lavi froze when he discovered his pocket was empty. This wasn't right. This wasn't right. He was supposed to have photographic memory, so why did it lead him to a dead end? Was it in desperation that his memory failed him? Why did he forget that his innocence was with Komui being repaired after that mission? He was a _Bookma_- He wasn't.

Not anymore.

"Usagi.." a low voice growled behind him. Lavi squeezed his eye shut. He knew who it was. He knew he couldn't escape now.

"Hey Yuu-chan.." He turned around slowly, hands up in surrender, face plastered into a fake cherry grin. "You're going to catch a cold, you're all wet."

Kanda took a menacing step forward.

"Don't fuck with me Lavi," the swordsman all but glared at him. "You're the one who ran away."

The redhead quickly dropped in facade, shoulders slumping in defeat. The act wasn't going to work anymore. Kanda actually called him by his real name. He was serious.

Kanda took another step forward, and Lavi took a step back, trying to distance himself as much as possible. But that failed when he felt his back connect with the brick wall. Lady luck was not happy with him.

A hand slammed right next to his ear, causing him to look up in shock, and he met Kanda's steely gaze. He stiffened.

"You're making a wrong choice."

Lavi didn't answer, but he looked guiltily away.

"The old man couldn't have gone that far, you can still catch up with him."

Silence.

"Lavi..."

Silence.

"LAVI! DON'T YOU GET IT? HURRY UP AND FUCKING APOLOGIZE, THE OLD MAN WILL TAKE YOU BACK!"

Lavi sighed, slowly pushing Kanda's chest away from his, but Kanda wouldn't budge.

"Yuu-chan, I've decided to stop. I can't be a Bookman anymore."

"Why not?"

"You know the conditions of being a Bookman.. no getting too involved in the war..I can't forget what we have at the Black Order.. Allen.. Lenalee... Miranda... Kroy... the generals... Marie... the finders... the science department.. I can't. I can't. I'm supposed to be unbiased, Yuu. But, I.. I.. I'm human."

Lavi slumped his head on the Japanese's chest, listening to the steady heartbeat that somewhat calmed him. That was the truth, but it was the partial truth.

Kanda stepped back, causing Lavi to lurch forwards in the unexpected loss of contact. His face was void of any expression, but his fist was curled into a tight ball and shaking.

"You're going to be a Bookman, Lavi."

"I can't."

"Yes you can."

"I told yo-"

"Just find t-"

"I'm not fit enough, even the old man sa-"

"You've been training since forever, you want thi-"

"I've overstepped the conditions; I can't control my emotions anym-"

"Don't give up your life so eas-"

"I ALREADY SAID THAT I CAN'T!" Lavi was screaming by this point. "THE BOOKMAN CLAN IS SUPPOSED TO RECORD HISTORY IN THE MOST NEUTRAL MANNER POSSIBLE AND I CAN'T DO THAT ANYMORE. I CANNOT FORGET WHAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH, HELL, WE'VE FOUGHT ON THE THREAD OF OUR LIVES, DON'T TELL ME THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU. I'M HUMAN, YUU. HUMAN. YES, A HUMAN THAT HAPPENED TO HAVE FEELINGS, A HUMAN THAT HAPPENED TO FALL I-" he stopped short suddenly.

"You know what," Lavi sounded tired. "Return to the castle. I.. want to be alone."

"No. Continue what you said," Kanda sounded extremely ticked off.

"I don't want t-" A hard punch knocked him off balance, but he held the wall in support. "Yuu.. what the hell..."

"You're not telling me something," a Kanda's eyes glinted. "Tch. Stop being a fucking idiot. You wanted to be a Bookman. You know how much this is to you. Don't give it up for the war that you weren't supposed to be involved in the first place."

".. I'm willing to give it up now."

Kanda's eyes narrowed, lips pursed. "Lavi..s-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence, because Lavi had pulled on his front uniform hard, smashing his mouth against the other. It was rough. It was desperate. Arms encircled the other, gripping so tightly as though he was afraid the other would disappear. Kanda stood stone still against him, hands twitching slightly in shock. Lavi ran his tongue into Kanda's mouth, trying, _trying_, to pour everything he was feeling into the kiss. Anger, desperation, passion, love. A few seconds later, Lavi released him, but his hands were grabbing Kanda's uniform so tightly that his knuckles were white.

Kanda blinked rapidly, trying to clear his head.

Slowly, the grip on his uniform ceased, and the redhead slumped down onto the floor, defeated.

"I'm..in love with you.." he whispered so softly, it was nearly lost in the sound of the rain. "I..love you."

There was no reply.

"Don't you get it, Yuu?" Lavi laughed weakly. "I don't qualify anymore." His voice was hoarse. "Love is the most biased feeling of all."

A loud thud was heard, then a sigh. Kanda had also dropped to the floor, leaning against the wall in front of him. His eyes were screwed shut.

"I'm sorry, Yuu."

No reply.

"Yuu..."

"Lavi.. just... forget me. Being a Bookman i-"

"Don't tell me what I do."

The pair sat in silence in the grimy alleyway, bodies thoroughly soaked despite their waterproof uniforms.

The rain had ceased to be a drizzle, and slowly, the last drop of rainwater splashed on the floor. Kanda stood up, boots grinding heavily on the ground. He made to leave, but a hand caught his wrist before he could move.

"Yuu.. just... answer me this.. okay?"

Lavi took a deep breath. "Do you want me to stay?"

"What I want doesn't concern you."

"Just answer."

Kanda wanted to lie to him, but he sounded so helpless.. _so broken_.. He knew it was going to make the situation even more difficult.

"...Yes."

The hand was roughly pulled out of Lavi's grasp, and within seconds, no footsteps were heard.


End file.
